The College Transition: Preparing to Make a Five a Ten

Chris Boehm
We picked up my daughter, Kennedy, a few weeks ago from her first year of college. As we stuffed the final clothes from her floor into laundry bags and stuffed random Keurig pods into boxes, we began to reflect on the year. I asked her, “on a scale from one-to-ten; how was your freshman year?”. Her response, “I’d have to break it up into semesters, the first was a five, the second a ten!” is the motivation for this entry.
Upon processing Kennedy’s ratings, I immediately felt like a horrible parent. Why was the first semester so bad? Why didn’t I know that she was struggling? Where were her mom and I to help? After this pessimistic, knee-jerk reaction, I came down-to-earth with a healthier perspective on my daughter’s wonderful first year of college. Truth is, had I known Kennedy was at a five, I would have tried to fix things by inserting myself into her college experience and frankly stunting her growth.
 
Transitioning to college is hard. And while there’s ways to prepare, there will be rough patches. As a parent, we don’t want our children to hurt or be frustrated, and we hope all their days are tens! Truth is, days and time periods that are fives are more productive. When we’re at a five, we seek to improve, we know we need to grow, we try to change things. Students are going to college to learn, mature, and prepare for the ‘real world.’ Part of this education comes outside of the classroom and encompasses dealing with the challenges of an unfamiliar community, the trial and error of new found independence, developing and working through relationships, having to ask for help, and the discomfort of not having all the answers. Sounds scary? It is, but it’s also an amazing opportunity to learn and an exciting journey of rewards.
 
As students, parents, and even siblings begin to prepare for the big change that is the college transition, here’s some advice and resources to help everyone. Warning: no plan is perfect, life is uncertain, and you can’t prepare for every situation. However, preparation for the transition and discussions about what’s ahead are a valuable use of time.
 
  1. Families, have discussions about the magnitude of going to college and share each other’s fears and concerns. Talk about academic expectations, mental health, getting sleep, finances, calling home, roommate concerns, and some of the other potential pitfalls that the next year can bring. Parents, if your child is attending a residential college and you haven’t had this experience, welcome others you trust into this conversation. If you have had an experience you expect to be similar to your child, know that it will be different.
  2. Everyone, return to campus this summer. Especially if orientation isn’t until the beginning of the semester, take a day to visit campus as a family. If you have a class schedule, map out your days by walking from building to building to get a glimpse into the fall semester. Sit in the quad, grab a cup of coffee, and dare to casually engage community members.
  3. Parents, join the parent Facebook site, email list, or portal. There will be a lot of unnecessary noise, but also parents who can help provide answers and guidance. Other parents have the same need for information and will ask the questions you may not have realized you needed answers to.
  4. Everyone, understand that things are going to change for the entire family. This is not only a student transition. There may be rough patches at home for parents and younger siblings. This may even start over the summer as students begin to prepare for the separation.
  5. Students, find an adult mentor on campus that you can trust. This may be a resident advisor, a coach, an academic advisor, a supervisor. You need someone to talk to that has a different perspective than the average college student. They won’t take the place of a parent, but they will keep you grounded and give you someone to confide in. This may take some time and will require trust and faith on your part, but is well worth the effort.
  6. Students, know what makes you happy and where you feel at your best. Don’t give these things up. Sign up for clubs or groups that share the same interests and set aside time to continue to invest in these activities. Not only will this investment give you comfort, you will also find others with similar values and those are more likely to be some of ‘your people.’ So go to the gym, attend mass, seek out the choir, try-out for theater, participate in community service, etc. and do you.
  7. Students, go to your professor’s office hours! I repeat, GO TO YOUR PROFESSOR’S  OFFICE HOURS! You can go to ask for help, to further discuss class topics, to tell them you enjoyed a class, or to ask them what to expect the remainder of the semester. The first visit may seem awkward, but think about how many times a week you spoke to your teachers in high school. Creating that relationship with a college professor can sometimes require a little more time on your part.
  8. Students, follow the flight attendant’s instructions. Put on your oxygen mask first. Take care of yourself, get enough sleep, and ask for help. Also, once you’re good, be kind to others. Provide complements, compassion, and help to classmates. This will help you make friends and also make you happier by reducing the harmful stress hormone cortisol.
  9. Parents, allow your child to vent. Students…VENT! Especially early on, students have less trusted outlets to communicate that they are uncomfortable and frustrated. They need a person on the other end that doesn’t necessarily need to respond. Parents, resist the urge to judge and fix unless it’s absolutely something that will impact your child’s mental or physical well-being.
  10. Students, be patient with yourself. You may have not gone through something like this move since kindergarten. It will take some time until most days feel normal, you find your routine, and you have your footing. Prepare for days of uncertainty and discomfort and refer to #5, 6, 7, and 9 on this list when you have them.
 
Just like academic research, get multiple sources for your preparation. Here’s some good readings and listens:
 
 
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