December 2025/January 2026: A Faithful Friend

- Sirach 6:14-16

In a June 1, 2023 article published by the American Psychological Association entitled, “The Science of Why Friendships Keep Us Healthy," author Zara Abrams compiled a number of studies that explored the relationship between good friendships and physical and mental well-being. She writes, “A review of 38 studies found that adult friendships, especially high-quality ones that provide social support and companionship, significantly predict well-being and can protect against mental health issues such as depression and anxiety—and those benefits persist across the life span. (Pezirkianidis, C., et al., Frontiers in Psychology, Vol. 14, 2023; Blieszner, R., et al., Innovation in Aging, Vol. 3, No. 1, 2019). People with no friends or poor-quality friendships are twice as likely to die prematurely, according to Holt-Lunstad’s meta-analysis of more than 308,000 people—a risk factor even greater than the effects of smoking 20 cigarettes per day (PLOS Medicine, Vol. 7, No. 7, 2010).”

In a technological age when people are spending more time staring at their computer and phone screens, I believe that it is important to be deliberate about making time to have eye-to-eye conversations and in-person gatherings with family and friends. In my opinion, a good conversation over coffee or lunch with a friend has far more positive effect on a person’s mood and outlook than spending the same time playing video games - even if the games are being played with a virtual group of friends! Navigating relationships and working through peaks and valleys in each other’s lives gives us a sense of purpose and satisfaction. We feel needed and we realize that we need others.

When I was growing up, my mother shared with me that she really did not have friends when she was young. The oldest girl with four sisters and three brothers, she had to help manage the household at the age of fourteen, after her mother had a significant heart attack at the age of thirty-nine. My mother’s friends were her sisters, brothers, and cousins in a very big Italian extended family. Interestingly, when I was in elementary school, my teacher, a Sisters of Saint Joseph nun, in a parent-teacher conference told my parents that, while I only had “a couple of friends” in a class of seventy students, it seemed that I was content, and that it was perhaps because I had such a large extended family for socialization. I suppose that there was some truth to that analysis, since I was also generally shy and happy to practice the piano, design and build with Legos, work weekends on school projects, and other somewhat solitary activities. Between all of the family gatherings, holiday rituals, and drop-in company in my childhood home, I suppose my time alone provided me with a good life-balance. After some reflection, I realize now that I have many “faithful friends,” who are family members, as well, and that includes my wife. 

A British Household Survey of 8,000 respondents conducted in 2014 found that “life satisfaction was about twice as high among people who said their spouse was also their best friend.” Psychologist Marisa G. Franco, PhD, an assistant clinical professor at the University of Maryland, suggests that creating intimacy by confiding in someone, regularly getting together, exchanging gifts, or taking someone to lunch or dinner, strengthens platonic as well as romantic relationships. I would also add that these experiences strengthen the relationships between parents and children. Friendship, then, is a first step in caring for and loving another person.

A March 13, 2025 report from the Pew Research Center on teen friendships reported that roughly two-thirds (64%) of U.S. teens surveyed said that they have between one and four close friends they can turn to for emotional support. About another third (34%) said they have five or more close friends. Only two percent said that they had no close friends. Forty-nine percent of the respondents said that their close friends were all the same gender as them, while forty-eight percent said that their friends were a mix of genders. It also seems that boys are less likely than girls to have a close friend they can turn to for emotional support. Of course, as with any survey, there are many ancillary questions about the data - the universe surveyed, when, and how, for example. In addition, we know that our children are all different and have unique experiences. With that being said, it is helpful to know that, regardless of the data presented about the number and boy and girl friendships, developing teen friendships is important to children's self-esteem, sense of independence, and journey to adulthood. It is not surprising to see so many lasting friendships made at Archmere among students over the years. Archmere provides a nurturing and safe environment for friendships to develop with the support and guidance of students’ families and school staff.

On January 4, 2026, as we celebrated the Feast of the Epiphany this year, we all lost “a faithful friend.” To so many, Fr. Joseph McLaughlin, O.Praem., was “a sturdy shelter, a treasure, precious, excellent, an elixir of life, and devoted to the Lord,” as the Book of Sirach sets forth. Over his fifty-five years of ministry at Archmere Academy, his impact on our school community, as well as the Norbertine community, the St. Aloysius Academy community, the community of Sister, Servants of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, and the local church in the Archdiocese of Philadelphia and Diocese of Wilmington is immeasurable. 

Father was a faithful friend to me since I met him in 1972, when I first arrived at Archmere as a freshman. Only one other student from my school enrolled in Archmere that year, so I had to make new friends and navigate a new and rigorous school day schedule. Less than four months since my father died suddenly, I found a listening ear in Father McLaughlin. He was my teacher, speech and debate coach, spiritual director, boss, colleague, and life-long friend. 

Let us honor Father McLaughlin’s friendship, his life of ministry, and his memory by emulating his quiet way of being kind, welcoming, and present to others. May the manifestation of Jesus Christ - the Epiphany - be reflected through our lives and in our friendships.