January 2026: Sharing Our Blankets

Dear friends,

When we enter this world, our life experiences and stories from our parents and families shape our realities. They help us understand what is sacred, what is truth, what represents danger and those things that are not good for us. So many elements, some common and others unique to us, begin to weave a blanket that envelopes us, providing, in a sense, a layer of skin that protects us and allows us to explore and experience life as we grow and develop into independent adults.

Over the years, particularly as I have been head of a school, I continue to be fascinated how two individuals can experience the same thing and have completely different interpretations. Then again, some people “love” peanut butter, while others have severe allergic life-threatening reactions to the stuff.

So where do we find common ground? Is conflict an inevitable part of our world? Jesus said, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give it to you.” (John 14:27) Is God’s peace in the world something that we work toward but only find in the heavenly realm?

Saint Norbert is called the “minister of peace and concord,” because he was able to resolve deeply-rooted conflicts between warring nobility in various towns and locales through his itinerant preaching. He was also an excellent statesman, such that the Holy Roman Emperors and the Popes sought his counsel and his presence in settling disputes among kingdoms and between the Church and royal authority. The irony in Saint Norbert’s life is that his deep commitment to his vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience, which he demanded from his Norbertine confreres, created upset in many of the professed religious in the Church, who had succumbed to more worldly comforts. As a reformer, he professed more detachment from worldly things, and found in that freedom, true joy and peace. This was a difficult path for many. Some dismissed Norbert’s invitation to live his version of a religious life. Others tried and left. Then there were those who did follow him and his example. What differentiated them from the others?

Determination (grit, fortitude), a deeply cultivated prayer life, and an authentic and enthusiastic love of God seem to be traits of great people, some of whom the Church has recognized as saints. These men and women experienced lives filled with challenges and trials, both physical and mental, and yet they were examples of faith, emulating Christ’s passion and death, so as to gain eternal happiness and peace - peace that the world cannot give.

So, what does that mean for all of us, especially those of us who could work on some of these traits? Is peace in our lives and in our world an elusive idea not worth considering? Even with so much unrest and violence around the world and in our own towns and communities, is there hope that some kind of peace can be a reality?

First, the blanket that has been woven around us to shape our perception of reality needs to be loosened a little. We need to see and experience things from others’ perspectives and not be so quick to judge, but rather quick to discern and understand what we see. With that learning, we have to, in a non-retaliatory way, be willing to collaborate and work together. You might say, that is “pie-in-the-sky” thinking, and you are right; however, what alternative do we have? Even if we make some small progress - however small - in turning someone else’s hatred into, at least, tolerance, if not acceptance, that is a step in the right direction.

Second, the work is not “one-and-done.” It takes daily effort and energy to remain open-minded, particularly as it seems some days and weeks and months are challenging because of what we experience. It is the discipline, daily prayer, and fortitude that Saint Norbert and all the saints demonstrated that we need, as we work through the challenges.

“A Simple Prayer,” as it is called by Franciscans, or “Prayer of Saint Francis,” as many of us know it, would be a wonderful prayer to include in our daily prayers and meditations:

According to Franciscan Media, the actual origins of the first part of this prayer date back to the 11th century in France, well before Francis was born. The remainder of the prayer became known in 1912, and gained popularity during World War I. It is called the Prayer of Saint Francis because it emulates so well the values and the life of the saint, not because he created it.

So, whether it is a dispute in the family, violence in our community, unrest in our country, or war in other parts of the world, we must continue to be Norbert’s “apostles of peace,” no matter if we think our actions will make a difference. In fact, they DO make a difference to the people around us, and, like the pebble thrown into a still lake, can have an impact that we do not realize. Sometimes our tempers flare, our convictions for what is right generate an impulse, and our reason tells us to become fearful, but we must hold fast, feel that blanket of experiences that first enveloped us, and respond with wisdom and grace, empathy and respect, compassion and a spirit of truth - all things that we would welcome from others - all things that reflect genuine love.

As we celebrate Valentine’s Day and our contemporary culture focuses on Eros, or passionate love, let’s consider Agape, selfless love. It is a love that transcends boundaries and definitions, because it allows us to remove the blanket around us and be vulnerable to the needs of others, placed before ourselves. That is a remarkable love that I know I could not achieve. However, it is the love that Jesus Christ gave to all of us. He was the true lover of us all. So, why would we not work to develop that relationship with him? Why would we not emulate his actions, his words as recorded in the Gospels? It is a “peaceable love,” yet Jesus himself said, “Do not think that I have come to bring peace upon the earth. I have come to bring not peace but the sword. For I have come to set a man ‘against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and one’s enemies will be those of his household.’” (Matthew 10:34-36) 

Jesus knew that his teachings would be divisive, particularly at a time when so many things were prescribed and determined to be black-and-white. And I would contend that Jesus introduced the color “grey” into the conversation. That created consternation among those who felt that somehow the law was not followed; discipline was ignored; things were not as they should be. Well, that is probably true, and Jesus created a “messier” way of living in some respects. “How do I decide if I am a good person if I don’t have hard and fast rules to follow? If I don’t have rules, I can rationalize anything as being right or wrong, good or bad,” a person might say. That is true, unless that person has developed a conscience, prayer life, and listened to the words of and followed the actions of Jesus. He is our guide through the messiness of life.

There was a 1983 movie entitled, “Mr. Mom,” with Michael Keaton and Teri Garr and a young actor, Talesian Jaffe, who played Kenny, the young son who would not be separated from his “woobie,” his blanket. In a scene with his stay-at-home dad, Keaton, he finally negotiates “giving up” his woobie for a trial period. His dad replies, “You gotta a lot of guts.” 

Click here to view the "Woobie" scene from Mr. Mom 

That is what it takes for each of us: to come from behind our blankets woven with years of experiences and perhaps some preconceived notions and be open to others’ thoughts, ideas, and life experiences different from our own. It takes our time and attention, and I have to confess that throughout my life, between family and work, I felt limited in giving the time and attention to really knowing others. Perhaps many of us feel the same way, but somehow, the people we admire, find the time. So let’s think about how we can “share our blankets” if not discard them for a while.